Monday, May 07, 2007
A thousand thoughts
My mind is filled with a thousand thoughts. Gazing at the stars outside the window, I started to ponder about the happenings recently.
Looking back, life seems to be so simple yet perfect. In the past, I was a cheerful and active person, nothing seems to bring me down and I always believe that we should live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of it. Happy and smiling from the bottom of my heart with such joy that I could find in those happenings and events.
But now, everything seems to be so complicated. I just felt like I had lost this battle, my heart and soul are in turmoil. I'm tossed into confusion and fear for myself. I'm a weakling, I can vouch for it. I failed to take over my own emotions, and it's hard to fake a smile where my lips could barely open.
A tear falls and I realize life will never be the same again. Another tear came down and I know it's too late for everything. I'm not whom I used to be. I can neither smile nor weep, and what's left in me are sorrows and sadness. Let the past become the memories for tomorrow, but am I determined to do that?
Oh man, I'm getting way to emo, = ( . For now, I truly understand that tears are words from the heart that can't be spoken.
To summarize...
My emotions are no longer tainted with reason.
The light laughters that bubbles on my lip often mantles over the depth of sadness, and the serious look may be sober veil that comes a divine peace and joy, in the night, it will be a painful frivolity, sleeping in the cold night's arms.
We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it. The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we waited for so long to begin it. The greatness comes not when things go the way you wanted, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, when you took some knocks, some disappointments, and the experience of setbacks. If only you have been into the deepest valley, you will know and understand how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
Feelings aren't supposed to be logical. There's a lot to be said for self delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart. There is a time for departure even where there is no certain place you could head to. Some of us may think that holding on makes us feel stronger; but sometimes it's letting go instead.
I don't know whether the decision to preserver on was the right decision? But for whatever it is, I hope for the best.
it got me home
10:00 PM
